leroymoore

A little humor about the gonads samples that were never studied (see my blog entry of August 21, 2014)

In Art, Environment, Public Health, Rocky Flats, Uncategorized on August 24, 2014 at 2:07 am

The following is “Dave’s Handy, Dandy Guide to a Vacation of a Lifetime,” written by Dave Barry, a humor columnist for the Miami Herald, published in the Seattle Times on Monday, June 3, 1996. The article explains that in 1996 the gonads samples were at Colorado State University. Read on.

 

FORT COLLINS, COLO. – Why Fort Collins? I’ll answer that question by quoting, verbatim, the first paragraph of a story from the Feb. 22 Fort Collins Coloradoan, written by Dan Haley and alertly sent in by Glenn Gilbert:

“About 200 human gonads are sitting in a freezer at Colorado State University as researchers wait for funding to test them for plutonium.”

I called Colorado State (“Home of the Frozen Gonads”) and spoke with Dr. Shawki Ibrahim, an associate professor in the Department of Radiological Health Sciences. He told me that the gonads were removed during hospital autopsies; researchers want to find out if their plutonium levels correlate with how close their former owners lived to the Rocky Flats nuclear weapons plant. (The researchers need money for this project, so if you’re a wealthy organization, please send them some.)

Dr. Ibrahim told me that the gonads are very valuable, and are kept in a locked freezer in a secure area.

“We are sitting on a gold mine here,” he said. (Really.)

I definitely see the need for security. You cannot have unsecured gonads in an environment frequented by college students; the potential for pranks is too great. This means you will NOT be able to actually see anything during your visit to Fort Collins. You will, however, be able to say, “Kids, we’re standing within a mile or so of about 200 frozen human gonads!”

Trust me, it will be a vacation memory that will remain in their minds for the rest of their lives. Even after electroshock therapy.

 

End of Dave Handy’s column

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